


no one said anything about a cat

by orphan_account



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Main Video Game Series), Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types, Pocket Monsters: Sword & Shield | Pokemon Sword & Shield Versions
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Prompt Fill, Scottish Yuuri | Gloria, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-30
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:22:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25603519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “You,” he says, stopping himself just shy of leaning back into her, taking a sharp breath through his nose, “are just trying to distract me from perfectly justifiable murder.”“Why don’t we get this dumb League thing done first? If you feel the same when we get back, you can have a wee bit ae murder.”Or: Gloria agrees to watch Marnie's purrloin for a week. Bede is not impressed.
Relationships: Beet | Bede/Yuuri | Gloria
Comments: 6
Kudos: 76





	no one said anything about a cat

**Author's Note:**

> fill of a tumblr prompt from bloodydruddigons: "Bede and Gloria adopt a silly mischievous Purrloin. :3"
> 
> i definitely meant to post this like three months ago and then absolutely did not do that. whoops

“Absolutely not.” **  
**

Bede says this with the conviction of a judge passing down a sentence. No, absolutely not, not in this life or any other. A thousand times no. He cannot possibly make his position any clearer. They don’t have the room; a dark type would frustrate their fragile ecosystem. Fairies and dragons getting along is already difficult, why introduce a disruption?

“Well,” Gloria says, grimacing, holding the squirming purrloin out to him, fingers mottled with little red pinpricks, “I already told Marnie we’d watch it, ‘cos we’re friends and tha’ is a thing friends do, so tough shite. Two weeks.”

He takes it by the torso. Purrloin, recognizing new, tender flesh, immediately sinks small teeth right into the meat of his index finger. He hisses; so does it. “ _Two weeks_ ,” he warns.

* * *

It spends the first day under the bed, then. Hatterene sweetly tries to lure it out and gets a stone’s worth of mean, sharp teeth for her trouble; purrloin dangles from her tentacle by its mouth, jaw clamped, limp-boned like wet laundry while she looks on in equal measures of distressed and scandalized. Bede has to walk her through breathing exercises before she splatters the thing into a thin bloody paste on the floor with her mind. Try explaining _that_ to Marnie.

“It’s just two weeks,” he soothes. Hatterene’s bottom lip wobbles.

* * *

On the fifth day, his watch is missing.

Bede’s been told by several sources that communication is the essential foundation to a long-lasting relationship, so as they both get ready for a formal League function, he politely communicates his feelings to Gloria.

“ _I fucking hate this cat_.” He slams the lid on his watch case for additional emphasis. It makes a more satisfying noise when it’s empty, he finds. “It _stole_ my _watch_ , Gloria. It’s _stealing things_.”

“I know, I know, but nae point gettin’ worked up. Out the door in fifteen, remember? We’ll have a look when we get back.” Gloria’s hands on his shoulders rub gentle circles, her thumbs kneading into knotted muscle. He exhales slowly, closing his eyes. Hatterene’s breathing exercises come in handy in all sorts of situations. “No’ like it fucked off to a pawnbroker while we were out, it’s got nae thumbs to work the door an’ it can’t legally sign anything.”

“You can’t possibly know that for sure.”

“It got ma weddin’ band off the counter while I was in the shower this morn, so it’d better fuckin’ pray tha’s the case.”

“Your wedding band,” he states blankly. His reflection in the vanity mirror scowls back at him. “I’m going to strangle it. I’m going to strangle it, and then I’m going to strangle Marnie when she returns from Unova. Spouses aren’t required to testify against each other, correct?”

“Aye. Fair sure we worked that inty our vows.” He feels her smile when she presses a string of kisses on the underside of his jaw, finishing on a light nip at the column of his throat. “Romantic but practical. The perfect man.”

“You,” he says, stopping himself just shy of leaning back into her, taking a sharp breath through his nose, “are just trying to distract me from perfectly justifiable murder.”

“Why don’t we get this dumb League thing done first? If you feel the same when we get back, you can have a wee bit ae murder.”

Bede straightens his tie knot, double-checks his cufflinks, then turns around to catch Gloria in a kiss that is a shade too deep and lingering for a time crunch. “I’m holding you to that,” he murmurs against her lips.

When she pulls back, she flashes him a broad, full-mouthed dare of a grin. “ _A chuisle_ , you can hold me to anything you like.”

So much for being on time.

* * *

On laundry day, he discovers the hair.

“Has it been sleeping in our _hamper_?” He holds up a pink uniform top blanketed in a coating of tan and purple fur and stares at it in disbelief. “Look at this. _Look_. Hatterene doesn’t shed this badly and she’s quite literally made of hair. This purrloin is _diseased_. Should we inform Marnie before or after we have it put down?”

“Oh, don’ be such a drama queen. If I can live with two meter long blue an’ pink hairs cloggin’ the hoover, you can live with a bit ae fur for another week.”

“Don’t you bring her into this, it’s not even remotely the same situation. First of all, she doesn’t leave disgusting clumps of...wet hair vomit all over the house.”

“Aye, true.” Gloria smiles and plants a very over-acted kiss into the crown of his curls, then thrusts a lint roller into his hand. “But she’s the reason why we’ve go’ an apocalypse’s worth ae these bastards, so quit your greetin’ an’ get to work.”

“One more week and _never again_ ,” he grumbles, resigning himself to rolling stripes of cat hair off his uniform.

* * *

On the eleventh day, it tries to kill him.

Bede wakes up in the dead hours with a ten kilo ball of fluff curled up on his face and more hair in his mouth than air in his lungs. It’s mostly instinct at this point; it takes a minute to understand that what he’s flung halfway across the bed is an animal, mainly because purrloin lands on its feet with a tortured mewl -- “Like _you’re_ the victim here,” he hisses -- before it leaps down and skitters out into the hall.

Gloria mumbles awake, shifting to face him. She tries to say something that he thinks is ‘what’s wrong’ as it’s swallowed up by a large, gulping yawn.

“It was _suffocating_ me. That’s assault. Can pokemon be tried in a court of law?”

She rubs her face with both hands and takes a long moment to respond. “Good luck gettin’ the charges to stick. Cats like body heat, it’s known.” Her eyes struggle to stay open; she yawns two more times trying to get the rest of her sleep-dumb thought out. “Nae clue why it picked you, though, you’re a warmth vampire.”

“I produce a completely reasonable amount of body heat. You’re just a coalossal who made a wish to become a real girl.”

“Uh-huh. Half-convinced you only married me ‘cos you can’t survive the winter otherwise.”

He raises an eyebrow, tucks his mouth into a vulpine smile, and deliberately parks an ice-cold foot on her bare calf. It earns a cuss and a laugh and a flung pillow that glances his cheek on its way across the bed. “I’m sure I married you for _som_ e reason.”

“If only to make someone else miserable at fuck aff o’ clock when a cat tries to kill you.”

“Mmhm. If I have to be awake, you have to be awake. Remember? We fit that in right between the ‘better or worse’ and ‘sickness and health’ bits.”

She sinks back down into the mattress, yawning into a full-body stretch, closing her eyes. “I love you, Bede, but death’s gonny part us pretty fuckin’ quick if you’ll no’ let me get back to sleep.”

“Is that so?” He slides closer under the covers, slithering a set of long, cold fingers under her nightshirt. She sucks a breath in through her teeth; he doesn’t need to see it in the dark to know she’s grinning. She lays warm palms over his hands, trapping them against her stomach. 

“Aye, that’s so. Unless you’re gettin’ ideas?”

“I’ve got a few.”

She laughs. “Then go on, let’s see ‘em.”

Bede wastes no time settling into the cradle of her thighs, sliding her shirt up to the bottom of her breasts. His hands follow the soft geometry of her waist down to the rise of her hips; his mouth is not far behind, trailing kiss on kiss along valleys between her ribs, down the soft bisection of her abs, lingering on the long scar from Eternatus, still raised and red after all these years. She makes a low, appreciative hum that rumbles in her chest.

He works his way down just below her navel when there’s a fight in the living room. 

Loud, world-ending, window-rattling, battle-ready feline howls -- something large, heavy, and possibly metal hitting the floor -- then the thump of furniture landing on its side, books scattering, a lamp falling -- then dead silence. 

For a moment, neither of them move.

“ _Fuck_.” Gloria is the first to admit defeat, easing herself up to sitting. “I gotta go make sure ma perrserker didn’t gut the thing.”

Bede looses a groan of frustration into the span of skin just above her waistband, fingers digging into her hips with quiet insistence. “Just let nature take its course. We’ll give Marnie the bad news in the morning.”

She combs her fingers through his curls, nails light on his scalp, and nudges him aside. He rolls back over to his side of the bed with a sigh. “Just keep things warm as you can manage, I’ll no’ be a minute.”

He rubs his face and takes a long, deep breath and knows there is a point where you have to admit that the moment is gone. Bloody cat.

He can hear Gloria half-lecturing from the living room -- _Really? Three stone an’ six inch claws on it an’ you let a kitten win? What kinda sad predator are you?_ \-- and he drifts off smiling.

* * *

On the twelfth day, it eats treats out of his hand without even trying to draw blood.

“I think it might be sick,” he says to Gloria as she slides a plate of eggs in front of him. Purrloin crawls into his lap like it thinks it’s being stealthy, but it doesn’t do so much as eye his food as it settles into a loaf. 

“ _I_ think,” she says, spearing a gobbet of sausage with her fork, “tha’ you made a friend.”

He huffs. “I most certainly have not.”

“It likes you, you like it. You’ve go’ soft friend feelings for a wee kitty and you’re gonna have to square wi’ that.”

Purrloin softly kneads its paws into his thigh, purring.

“Don’t think you’ve won,” he says to it under his breath, scratching it absently behind the ear.

* * *

On the fourteenth day, Marnie shows up bleary-eyed and jet-lagged and still-packed, fresh from her flight, to come pick up her awful little monster.

“‘Preciate you two takin’ her on short notice.” She envelops her in a hug like a mother swaddles an infant. Purrloin stretches luxuriously and wiggles deep into the crook of Marnie’s arm. “I know she’s a bit of a shite.”

“I’ve been informed that it’s what friends do, apparently.” Bede reaches out with an index finger and gives one last good scritch under her chin. His mouth betrays him with a tiny smile. Wretched thing. 

He adds, after a moment of silence: “Just let us know if you need us to watch her again.”

**Author's Note:**

> [my tumblr](https://hello-pyroxene.tumblr.com/)
> 
> thank u drud for bede's coalossal line that i used word for word because it was tooooo good not to


End file.
